I FINALLY got my letter! YEOOOO (from the dietician!)
28th May *doo-doo-dooooooom*
I must admit, when i opened it, I expected myself to be all ecstatic having waited for so long, but I found myself surprisingly reserved, I think it just really hit home.
As of 28th, no more struggling to meet a lowsy 1000-1500 calories, try double or tripling that !!!
I've been doing soo well this past week and a half; i've increased every couple of days and had I not been so ill yesterday and today, would have reach my first major goal of 1500! I haven't weighed myself this week because I didn't want any water-jumps upsetting me and making me stray from my new diet, but, I'm finally comfortable eating this much and just prepared myself to have put on anything up to 3lbs, I weighed myself and....I put on HALF A POUND of water FOR FECK SAKE!! WATER!!! grrrrrrrrr so, that's made me realise how feckin stupid I am, thinking i could put on 3lbs in one week on less than the recommended intake for a healthy woman. Spoon!
I won't post any meals today, because, I'm still not feeling well, so I haven't even eaten the 1500c I set myself, but i HAVE chosen higher-fat things today, rather than more lower-fat things. Also, doesn't sound like a BIG deal, but the past week, I was finally able to have a TABLESPOON of peanut butter a day, I know that sounds like nothing, but it was one of my big big fears to have a full portion of something higher in fat, but I've conquered that and must say, LOVE the taste of peanut butter now, YEOOO! Dya reckon it's an anorexic-recovery thing to be completely in love with oats and peanut butter?? Any blogs I've read EVERYONE is in love with both, including myself now :D yeooo
I also think it's a huge step I've taken in allowing myself to admit that I like certain foods, my anorexia always MADE me convince myself I was disgusting if I remotely enjoyed anything, so actually letting myself admit to myself that I like peanut butter for example is HUGE for me! :D
Anyhoo, I'm off for my supper!
I'll post my meals when they're respectable! haha
Rose xo
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A tablespoon of peanut butter truly IS a big accomplishment in the begning phases of recovery. I had to work myself up to it too. First I had a tablespoon of cream cheese, then two, and then moved to one of peanut butter. So going straight for the gold is great! I think you should feel proud of yourself, you have every right to. It is a huge challenge to allow yourself something you enjoy - anorexia is all about deprivation. I think part of the recovery-love towards oats and peanut butter is that its good, and its something the ED deprives us of for so long. Also - it can pack a lot of calories into a teeny portion. Something many of us truly appreciate lol.
ReplyDeleteI hope you make it to your goal of 1500 in the next few days. Being ill makes it hard, but you can do it! 1/4 cup each dried fruit and nuts into your cereal in the morning is an extra 300 calories and you hardly notice it. Or you could make it even easier by cooking oats in a cup of whole milk and adding just 1/4 cup of raisins. That could easily help you make the goal of 1500 without adding much volume at all.
Take care of yourself and good luck
~Tori