"Here comes the sun, and I say, It's alright..."

Tea, 'Fegs' and Rock n Roll :D

Helo all :)

THANKYOU once again for your lovely comments guys, they really do mean the world to me!

Well, after my sycho-ness the other day, I've calmed down a good bit.

It took all day and night tho to..not 'accept' my body/weight but to just settle with the fact I

am the weight I am right now, if that makes any sense.

Well, I went for a long half-power-walk yesterday and i felt SOO good after it,

it was SOO warm here (and still is) and I just felt like I was DOING something to strengthen

my body ya know??

The past 4 days or so, I've been relying heavily on liquid-calories, not ideal, I know, but I

tried just EATING shit loads for almost a month, and I was in too much physical and emotional

pain doing so, so, I switched about a 3rd of my intake to liquid, and to be honest I'm not

HALF as uncomfortable (still mildly obv!)

On sunday tho, being so down and tired I ended up skipping my snack, half my lunch and my

afternoon snack, so I was nowhere NEAR my goal... I just had loadsa liquids at night time, but

still just couldn't have made it up. But I didn't let it deter me, I got on with things yesterday!

I went into town today and just accepted that I'd need a much bigger jean-size and lifted a

size I thought might fit me...and it did, unfortunately, but, I have to try them on again, now

that I've got them home cus I always think clothes look a millions miles different in your

own mirror, don't you think?

Also, when I'm in that particular clothes shop, the changing cubicles have like 4 mirrors, ya

know so you can see every angle? And, it's only then that I actually see ME, like my face is

that of a completely different person from those angles, I only ever see the straight ahead

shot when I'm at home..but yeh I look very different from the sides haha.

My BF still hasn't rang me..and I'm tempted to ring him but, then again I think, why should I?

Sorry, i won't repeat everything word-for-word that I said on my last post!

OMG i found out last night [having been told by my friend to check my college-network-email

which i NEVER check] that I'm getting my results on THURSDAY!!!! AAAAAAAAAA

I have to say tho, I'm not HALF as nervous as I was, getting my A-Level results!

I take 8 classes, 4 of which are compulsory, and the other 4 I chose.

1) Contemporary Studies [contemporary theatre practitioners, their works and dramatic methods]

2) Acting Methods-Naturalism [the study of Stanislavski and his System for the method-actor]

3) Singing [LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVED THIS CLASS!!!]

4) Small Business Management [the absolute MELT of my life...compulsory]

5) Historical Studies [study of the history of the theatre/actors/methods/development etc.]

6) Research [another MELT of my life....just how to research info properly for essays etc.]

7) Physical Theatre [HATE WITH A FECKING VENGEANCE!!!!!!!! I will regret picking this

class to the day I die!]

8) Voice and Speech [my FAVOURITE class, besides singing-working on accent technique,

projection, inflection etc... fantastic class!]

The grades are given as Pass, Merit or Distinction. And I SINCERELY hope, I've achieved

atleast 5 distinctions, possibly 6: there's not a hope in HELL of me getting a distinction in

Small Business Management or Physical Theatre....GRRRRRRRR

I have to pass everything to go back next year, but I reckon I'll be fine, I'm the only one in

my class who actually WORKS ffs.... I have one more year at this college, then I transfer

straight into 3rd year in another university and I shall be a Batchelor of Arts

(or batchelorette whatever ya wanna call it!) when I turn 21, in June 2011 :D

Plus, i get to graduate twice MWUAHAHA once from this college and then from the 2nd!

The only thing really keeping me going with the weight-gain, is remembering how truly

and utterly DRAINING college was this year at sucha low weight....any of you who take

acting or drama will know it requires ALOT of energy?? Well, I needed that energy and

stamina for 6 hours everyday at **lbs.....not easy I assure you!

It actually sickens me to think, last December (when at my lowest) on the morning of my

very first official assessment (a practical group performance) I went to college on....wait for it...

HALF a fucking apple.....HALF an apple....I risked my own grade and my entire group's grades

because I could have very easily fainted under the stage lights on 24 measley calories....Christ.

And when I was in school, studying for my A_levels, I went to school on like 2 strawberries,

had class aaaalllll day, no break, no lunch [I either worked through lunch or went to the

gym...wise...] extra drama rehearsals after school, then 2 buses alll the way home,

on 2 STRAWBERRIES....honestly, I have NO idea how I did it. I must've just been on

auto-pilot with EVERY aspect of my life, and where the FUCK did I get the stamina to do

all that on NO food? I have noooooooo idea. I'm paying for it now tho...bitch.

Anyway guys, I'm gonna go do some stretches cus my tummy's sore and I've started lifting

EXTREMELY light dumbells, just to strengthen my arms again, cardio is NOT allowed until

I've reached 18.5 BMI!

Hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine! :D

Love,

Rose xoxox